Love Letters
by Rionell
Summary: Cyrano de Bergerac enters the body of James Potter. James loves Lily with all his heart, but she is in love with someone else and thinks of James as a brother and friend.
1. Crazy Love

The sun was shining brightly on a day in April, and on the lawn outside the castle of Hogwarts school for witchcraft and wizardry, four boys were lying flat on their backs, staring up at the clouds. They were all talking merrily, without a care in the world.  
  
"Hey, guys, look at that cloud over there. It looks like a devil."  
  
"That reminds me, when's next class?"  
  
"Who cares. It's too hot for that, I say we just stay here."  
  
"Yeah. It's a big class, no one's gonna miss us."  
  
Right then a harsh, female voice was heard over the lawn. Nobody saw who was talking, the person was inside the castle and had strengthened her voice with magic.  
  
"James Potter! Remus Lupin! Peter Pettigrew! Sirius Black!"  
  
Hearing the sounds of their own names all four boys sat up.  
  
"Go to your class immediately. And Gryffindor looses ten points."  
  
"Yes, sahib", James said and they all got up reluctantly, leaving the soft, green grass behind them.  
  
On their way up to the castle, Remus, Peter and Sirius looked at James in a suspicious way.  
  
"Why so eager to get to class?", they asked. "We've already lost ten points anyway."  
  
"Then let's not make it worse", James replied.  
  
The others looked at each other, a little confused. Their friend had been so silent lately, and sometimes, when he thought they weren't looking, his eyes shimmered strangely behind those big, round glasses of his.  
  
James ran his fingers through his black hair that had been warmed by the sun. He understood the others were staring at him, so he smiled and said:  
  
"And now, ladies and gentlemen, your favourite Marauders are going to class. Girls, hold on to your boyfriends, they are entering the school."  
  
"What was that?", Sirius asked.  
  
"Since you're all staring at me like I'm an alien I thought I'd say something."  
  
Little tubby Peter giggled.  
  
"You're weird, James."  
  
"You too, Wormtail", Remus laughed. "You giggle like a girl."  
  
"I do not, jerk! Besides, you play the piano."  
  
The friendly argument had thus started, and the boys entered the castle. The only one who didn't participate in the jokes was James.  
  
At entering class, they all four sat down in their regular places.  
  
"Where have you been?", their teacher, madam Tum, asked. "Nevermind, I don't think I want to know. Well, class, as I just said...."  
  
James stopped listening. He hardly ever listened to his teachers, yet his grades were always great. Not even he himself knew how he did it, and the rest of the Marauders were always jealous because of it. Besides, right now, James had something much more interesting to look at than the teacher.  
  
Lily Evans.  
  
He had tried to reason with himself. She had been one of his best friends ever since their first day at Hogwarts, she was practically the fifth Marauder. James knew everything about Lily, and she knew everything about him, still it felt like meeting your favourite Quidditch-player every time she talked to him recently. Now she was sitting right next to him and mouthing words to him with her pretty lips:  
  
"Where were you guys?"  
  
"On the lawn, doing what we do best", James mouthed back.  
  
"You mean sleeping?"  
  
"Precisely. You really missed something, we were great."  
  
Then she smiled, and James felt his knees shake a little under the desk.  
  
Why had he never before noticed how beautiful she really was? Her brown, soft hair, her glittering eyes, her sweet smile, her way of walking and her cute laugh that turned his brains into jelly whenever he heard it lately. Oddly though, Lily seemed to be completely blind to her own beauty, and often she told the Marauders how much she'd like to look like them; they were all of them long and thin, except Peter. Lily didn't always fit in with the other girls, she was more of a tomboy and always hung around with the Marauders, and they never minded at all, they all thought of her like a best friend or even a sister.  
  
Why had James fallen so hard for Lily? He was a handsome guy who could get any girl he wanted, he already knew that, so why her? The only one he'd never dare telling how he felt, he didn't want to risk their friendship. Then he understood why: every girl that had ever gone out with James, or any other of the Marauders, had all been airheads, more or less. They were silly, giggled way too much and had no sense of humour. But Lily was smart, she was funny, nice and... wonderful.  
  
James woke up from his daydreaming when he saw that Lily was waving at him, as if trying to wake him up. Then she scrambled something down on a piece of paper with her quill, and when madam Tum wasn't looking she sent it to James with her wand. It landed right in front of him, as lightly as a snowflake, and he read it.  
  
"Meet me after class. I've got important stuff to talk to you about. Come by yourself"  
  
James's eyes started to glow. She wanted to see him - alone! He turned to her, nodded and saw her eyes shine with joy. Her lovely, deep eyes that made him feel like he was drowning.  
  
Suddenly he got a punch in the side by Remus.  
  
"Wake up, Prongs", he whispered.  
  
James turned his face towards madam Tum, who for the moment was comparing muggle laws to wizard laws in her nasal voice, but he didn't listen too much.  
  
"She wants to meet me, alone" he thought excited, and he had to work really hard not to smile widely. 


	2. Please, help

Time had never passed so slowly to James in his entire life. He almost thought class would never end, but then he saw the other people pick up their books and leave the room. Lily smiled at him, almost excitedly, and waved for him to come.  
  
"Prongs, are you coming?", Sirius asked him when they saw that he stopped outside the room.  
  
"Yeah, the Great Hall and the food is this way", Peter continued and licked his lips. "We're hungry."  
  
"I'll catch up with you guys later", James answered.  
  
"You're sure?"  
  
"Yeah, I'll just be a sec", James said. "Go on."  
  
The other Marauders exchanged looks of wonder, but walked on through the corridor. James searched for Lily among the remaining people outside the classroom, and when they all had left it was only him and her left.  
  
Lily approached him, got so close to him that their bodies almost touched each other. She still had that excited smile on her face and her eyes sparkled, she looked like a child on Christmas morning.  
  
"Her eyes..... There can't be any jewels in the world like those", he thought to himself.  
  
"James, there is something I must tell you. But you have to promise that you won't laugh."  
  
"Lily, nothing you say could ever make me laugh", he said.  
  
"I'm boring?"  
  
"No, just weird sometimes. What is it?"  
  
She blushed a little. He could hardly believe it, Lily blushed! This was big.  
  
"I'm in love."  
  
James stomach was at once filled with butterflies. She was in love. With him! It must be him, why else would she want to speak to him in private? He felt like he was floating and a big smile crept across his face.  
  
But Lily didn't even look at his big, happy smile.  
  
"He is wonderful", Lily continued. "He is tall, handsome, intelligent, and he's got the most wonderful pair of blue eyes I've ever seen."  
  
"Green", James corrected her with a little smile.  
  
"No, they're blue."  
  
Now he got worried. His own eyes were green. Who was she talking about? She wasn't in love with him? No, there couldn't be another guy, there just couldn't!  
  
"His name is Chris Novell."  
  
Things went upside down to James. Suddenly he felt dizzy and like he was falling from high above.  
  
"What?", he eventually exclaimed.  
  
"I can't stop thinking about him, I can hardly concentrate on school, I don't eat, I don't sleep.... Please, James, you are the only one of the Marauders who wouldn't laugh at me, please talk to him for me. I don't dare, not now."  
  
With every word poor James felt his heart sink lower, but he put on a calm face and said:  
  
"Lily Evans doesn't dare to talk to a guy? The same Lily Evans who always hangs around with the Marauders?"  
  
"Yes, but you're not guys. You are like brothers to me. Prongs, please, I need you."  
  
"And I need you, more than you could ever imagine", James thought.  
  
"Tell him I like him, that's all. Do it as a favour, for me? One of your best friends?"  
  
He took a deep breath, and when he spoke again he swore he heard the footsteps of fate come running towards him.  
  
"I'll talk to him."  
  
Lily hugged him. For a moment James couldn't move, he didn't even put his arms around her. To have her so close to him, and yet so far...  
  
"Thank you, James, you are an angel. Now come, dinner's waiting."  
  
She took him by the wrist, and then they got down to the Great Hall.  
  
How could she think that Chris Novell was an intelligent guy? James and he had known each other for some time. They weren't best friends, but they talked to each other almost every day, and James knew that Chris had had his eyes on Lily for some time too. But Chris was a jerk, he knew nothing about girls, especially not about Lily. She was just a pretty face to him, he didn't knew how to get inside a girl's personality. And Lily, James' Lily, had fallen for that air head! How did this happen?  
  
James felt horrible. He sat down with the Marauders without saying a word and ate his food without tasting it.  
  
"What's wrong?", they asked.  
  
"Nothing, I just have a little headache. I had to sit down for a few seconds before coming down, that's all."  
  
Remus looked at James with suspiciousness. James turned his face away, he always felt like Remus' deep eyes could see right through him.  
  
"Are you sure you're all right?", he asked in a silky voice.  
  
"Yes, I'm sure. Now let's eat."  
  
Not much more was said during dinner, but when the four boys walked up to the Gryffindor tower they tried to make their friend feel better.  
  
They sang the password in chorus to the Fat Lady who opened the door to their common room with applause.  
  
"Hey, James, wanna go visit Natasha?", Peter asked. "She's tried to get you attention for a week, and she's got that friend of hers... what's her name?"  
  
"Tanya", Sirius said.  
  
"Yeah, Tanya. What a body."  
  
"I'm not in the mood right now, guys. I just wanna get some rest."  
  
"Okay, you stiff. Can we go to the girls?"  
  
James sighed. That would be his chance. He saw Chris sitting in a chair in the common room, playing cards with his friends.  
  
"Sure. Have fun, tell them I said hi."  
  
The others disappeared and James went over to Chris. He would talk to him, he wanted to. Maybe he could turn the situation around, use it to his own advantage somehow. Besides, he wanted to make Lily happy, he wouldn't stand the expression on her face if he told her that he hadn't spoken to Chris.  
  
"Hi", James said to the tall boy in the chair.  
  
"Hi, James", Chris answered. "Everything all right? You look a bit pale."  
  
"Just a little headache. Can we talk? Between four eyes?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
Chris got up from the chair and followed James into the dorm. James took a deep breath and turned to face his rival.  
  
"Do you like Lily Evans?", he asked.  
  
Chris' eyes shone up.  
  
"Off course I do, James, you know that. Why do you ask?"  
  
"Well, the thing is.... she likes you."  
  
Chris looked as if he had won the lottery. He cheered and started to dance.  
  
"Yes! I knew it! I knew she liked me!"  
  
"How modest we are", James thought, watching Chris perform his dance of victory.  
  
"So... what are you gonna do?", James asked.  
  
Chris stopped dancing, suddenly his face reminded James of an empty page in a book.  
  
"I... have no idea. What do you think she expects?"  
  
"Something romantic, maybe? Flowers? A love note?"  
  
"Gods, do I have to tell him what to do?" he thought to himself.  
  
"Yes, a note would be nice. Give it a try", James said.  
  
"I can't write stuff like that", Chris said and looked a little disgusted. "That's girl's stuff."  
  
Then James said something he felt he would regret later on.  
  
"I could help you."  
  
The smile came back on Chris' face and he grabbed James by the shoulders.  
  
"Would you help me, Potter? I would be so grateful."  
  
"Come on, how hard can it be?" 


	3. The First Letter

The two boys went out of the Gryffindor tower and down the stairs, heading for the library. Chris was so excited and happy he almost bounced down the steps, while James felt like a gloomy shadow. He was thinking about Lily.  
  
He knew he would do anything for Lily, even if it meant helping her get someone else. His hope of using this situation to help himself became smaller by the minute, and when they entered the gigantic Hogwarts library, the hope seemed to have died.  
  
"Exactly why are we here, James?", Chris asked and looked at all the big books that covered every flat surface.  
  
"To get some inspiration", James answered. "You want to write her a love note, right? Then why don't we do it like an old master. Like this one, Shakespeare."  
  
"A Muggle poet?"  
  
"A Muggle? He was not a Muggle, do you honestly think a Muggle could write something like 'A Midsummer Night's Dream'?", James asked and took out a big, leather-bound book covered in dust from a shelf. He handed it to Chris.  
  
"Sit down and read, take notes."  
  
Chris sat down with the book and started to look through the pages. After a few minutes James noticed how tiny pearls of sweat started to cover his forehead and he saw how hard Chris thought before writing anything down.  
  
After a quarter or so, Chris shut the book and gave his notes to James.  
  
"What do you think?"  
  
James read:  
  
"Hi Lily. If you would like to go on a date with me, put a ring around the answer. YES or NO. /Chris"  
  
James looked at Chris with disappointed eyes.  
  
"Is that the best you can do?", he asked.  
  
"It's not good enough?", a nervous Chris asked.  
  
"It's.... a little cold. She'll understand what you mean, but... it needs more...."  
  
"Poetry?"  
  
"Well, honestly, yes. I mean, it's supposed to be a love letter."  
  
"But I can't write poetry! I don't understand a word of what this Shakespeare-guy is saying."  
  
"Just tell her how you feel, then."  
  
"How? What do I say?"  
  
"Try something like...."  
  
James stopped. Would his help reveal that he himself was in love with Lily? Would Chris beat him up? Then James realised that it didn't matter, nothing mattered but Lily, and if she got Chris' note with the YES and NO, she would feel lousy. No matter how tomboyish Lily appeared, James knew she loved romance.  
  
"Okay, I've got it. Write this...."  
  
The night came with a million stars that shimmered outside the high windows of Hogwarts. The full moon looked like a giant eye of God, watching the school. But the eye didn't see a certain young man with black hair and round glasses walking through the corridors.  
  
James couldn't sleep. His mind was circling around nothing but Lily and the letter he had written to her. James had told Chris what to write, and the result had been a letter so filled with love and desire that Chris almost fell off his chair when he went through it. But to James the words were just a tiny breeze, his love rushed inside him like a wild storm.  
  
He was heading for the kitchen to steal something to eat, hidden beneath his invisibility cloak. He had done that a thousand times, and no one had ever caught him, no one else was up this late.  
  
Or so he thought.  
  
As he walked down a long corridor he looked out through the windows at the beautiful moon and when he turned his eyes to look in front of him, he stopped.  
  
Somebody was in the corridor, standing by one of the windows.  
  
He approached the person as silently as he could to check who it was. But then the figure turned its head towards him.  
  
"Is that you, James?"  
  
He was about to answer, but the words got stuck in his throat. It was Lily standing there, dressed in nothing but a silky, white night gown and with her hair hanging loose down her back, like the most beautiful of waterfalls. The moon light shone in on her, showered her in silver light, and she was as beautiful as an angel. James had seen Lily in her night gown before, but never like this.  
  
He removed his cloak and she smiled at him.  
  
"I was hoping I'd find you here", she said. "I couldn't sleep and I wanted to talk to you."  
  
"What is it, Lily?", he asked and came closer to her.  
  
"It's Chris. Oh James, I'm so happy."  
  
She took her wand, which had been lying on the window sill, and waved it in the air.  
  
"Accio letter", she said, and immediately a white sheet of paper came flying through the air, like a very strange bird. James knew what it was: Chris', or rather his own, love letter.  
  
Lily caught the paper with her right hand and turned to face James.  
  
"This evening, when I went to bed, an owl came with this. It's a letter, from him. Did you know he would write to me?"  
  
"No", James lied and tried to look surprised.  
  
"Listen", Lily said, "I'll read it to you."  
  
"My love. I have watched you so many times, feeling my heart burn with longing for you. There have been so many times when all I wanted to do was to put my arms around you and tell you that I love you. You are the air that I breathe, you are all I've ever wished and prayed for my entire life. But I never dared to dream that you would ever love me in return, and now, when all my dreams seem to have come true, I can hardly believe it. Can there be such complete and perfect happiness? My Lily, my wonderful flower of beauty, I love you. Dream of me tonight, as I dream of you. With all my love Chris"  
  
As she read, James felt his love grow word for word. He had to work hard not to take her in his arms and tell her that those were his words, that he was the one who loved her more than life itself. But he didn't, he just stood there and tried to look happy for her sake.  
  
She stopped reading and looked at him without saying a word, but in the light of the full moon he saw that her eyes were shining with joy, like stars, and that told him everything he needed to know.  
  
Then she turned to the window and looked at the moon, supporting her chin with her hand and holding the letter in the other.  
  
"James", she said with a voice full of gentleness, "All my life I have dreamt about a man like him. So sensitive, so romantic, but I never thought it would come true. That someone would actually write this kind of letter to me."  
  
"Do you like it?", he asked.  
  
"Do I like it? I love it. I love him, James. And this is all thanks to you. Without your help I would still be in bed, dreaming about something I never dared to think would happen. I hope he writes more letters, although I will be seeing him every day."  
  
If only she knew how every word pierced his heart with the cold stab of jealousy and sorrow.  
  
"Could you do one more thing for me, James?", she asked and came closer to him. "Could you ask him to do that, to send me letters now and then. This is the last favour I ask of you."  
  
James swallowed hard and, loosing himself in the deep oceans of her eyes, he said:  
  
"Sure, no problem."  
  
Lily hugged him tightly, and this time he put his arms around her too. He touched her silky night gown and even felt her hair on his hands. He wanted to inhale a deep breath of her, but he didn't dare, and let go of her quickly not to seem strange.  
  
"You are an angel, James", she said, "And a true friend. Can I follow you to the kitchen?"  
  
"Actually, I wasn't going there, I just needed a walk", he said. The truth was that he had lost his appetite completely at the thought of Lily and Chris together every day, kissing and snuggling.  
  
"Okay, but I'll see you tomorrow at breakfast, right?"  
  
"Sure", he said. "Good night,. Lily."  
  
"Good night, James, and thanks again."  
  
And with that, she walked away, leaving him there. The night gown shimmered magically and she walked so silently that one would have thought she was a ghost created by moonlight.  
  
James picked up his invisibility cloak of the floor and went back to his dormitory. When he was back in his bed he stared at the ceiling above him, thinking of nothing but Lily and the favour she had asked of him.  
  
"Merlin, help me, he whispered", but the only answer he got was the night wind outside. 


	4. The Plan

The next morning three boys were awake in the dormitory where James slept. He shared the room with the rest of the Marauders, and now they were whispering things to each other.  
  
"Agreed, when he wakes up, we go nuts."  
  
James woke up with vague memories of a dream he had had during the night. It had been about him, walking outside the castle on a snowy day. When he looked back over his shoulder he saw Lily and Chris walking hand in hand, smiling at each other, and when he looked at the snowflakes he saw that they weren't snowflakes at all: they were love letters. Then he had heard a voice calling his name:  
  
"James.... James....."  
  
He opened his eyes... and found himself staring right into the eyes of the three Marauders, all of them standing at his bed and leaning very close to him, as if they were going to kiss him.  
  
"Is he awake?", Remus asked.  
  
"Yeah, I think he is", Peter said.  
  
Then they all three filled their lungs and shouted:  
  
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PRONGS!!!"  
  
James thought he would have a heart attack and sat up straight away. The others laughed and Sirius put a golden birthday hat on James' black, untidy hair.  
  
"You've got presents waiting for you, old boy", he said and pointed at the end of James' bed where a pile of wrapped gifts were lying. They proved to contain a new shirt and a book on magical sports from his parents, a gigantic bag of candy from all of the Marauders and a pair of sunglasses from Lily along with a note, saying "Put these on and you can travel anywhere."  
  
"Vedoscopes", James said and put them on. He didn't see his dormitory through the dark glass, but instead he saw clouds and clear blue skies all around him.  
  
"Thanks, guys", he said. "You are great."  
  
"You needed a little party, Prongs", Sirius said. "You've been so boring these past days, and we decided we wanted you back."  
  
"So we will make it easy for you", Remus continued. Then he took out his wand and waved it through the air.  
  
"Musicum", he said, and a complete set of floating piano keys appeared right under his hands. He started to strike them gently, playing a soft song.  
  
"Either you let this calm music relax you and make you tell us what's wrong about you..."  
  
"Or we will just have to hit you until you do", Peter said. James couldn't help but smiling.  
  
"Listen, guys, it's nothing. Really nothing, I just haven't been myself lately, what with that big test in Transfiguration coming up. I'm sorry, I'll behave better."  
  
"Thank Merlin", Peter said. "We were almost beginning to think that you had fallen in love."  
  
James tried to look surprised, but then he almost really blushed when Remus started to play "The Wedding March" on his soaring piano.  
  
"Knock it off", he said. "There aren't any girls for me to look at."  
  
"Except for those that keep smiling at you and wave with their eyelashes every time they see you."  
  
"Those girls are nothing, they've got no brains."  
  
"Who cares?"  
  
"Come on, I want breakfast."  
  
They all got dressed and left the tower, Remus, Peter and Sirius carrying James on their shoulders. He had completely forgotten about his own birthday.  
  
Suddenly Lily joined the boys, waving at James.  
  
"Happy birthday, James", she said.  
  
"Thanks, and thanks for the vedoscopes", he said and felt a new pair of hands on his body. Lily was helping the others carrying him down to the Great Hall for breakfast. He had never been so aware of touch before, it felt like his skin was shot with tiny electric flashes from her hands, and he became very tense.  
  
They entered the hall and put him down on a bench by the Gryffindor table. Everywhere he turned he heard "Happy birthday"s being thrown at him. He started to eat his toast and eggs slowly, and it took a while before he noticed Chris trying to catch his eyes. James understood the look, Chris wanted to talk to him again.  
  
After breakfast the four Marauders and Lily were ascending the stairs to get to their first class of the day: Potions. When they entered the room they got orders from their teacher, mr Yom, to get in groups of two and two. Immediately James saw Chris coming towards him, like an arrow through the crowd of moving people.  
  
They got seated by a cauldron and Chris started to whisper.  
  
"Happy birthday, James."  
  
"Thanks, Chris. Hey listen, I've got to talk to you about Lily. She wants you to send her more letters."  
  
"I figured that, so I got you a present. Here."  
  
He gave him a small box and James opened it silently with his wand. Inside were envelopes and white sheets of paper.  
  
"Oh no", James whispered, "Don't tell me..."  
  
"Please, James. We'll keep it secret. You write the letters, I sign them, an owl delivers them to Lily and everyone is happy."  
  
"It's not nice to Lily. Write your own letters, she's your girlfriend."  
  
"Gods, that hurt" he thought to himself.  
  
"I'm an idiot when it comes to this stuff, she would laugh at me. You know me, I'm a cool guy and I know nothing about romantic stuff, but you do. She will never find out. James, I beg of you, please do this for me."  
  
James looked into Chris' eyes and saw that the guy really seemed desperate.  
  
"Do it for Lily" he thought.  
  
"Okay", he said eventually. "I'll do it. She'll get a letter this evening."  
  
"James, how can I ever repay you? You are the best."  
  
They spent the rest of the class brewing truth serums without much talking.  
  
After class Lily seized him by the arm and turned him to face her.  
  
"Well, did you ask him?"  
  
"Lily, this evening and every evening to come, you will receive an owl with a letter of pure love."  
  
She looked impressed.  
  
"Every evening?"  
  
"Every evening."  
  
"Wow."  
  
"Come on, we're all going out to take a fly around school."  
  
"Okay", she said, and they both took out their wands.  
  
"Accio brooms."  
  
A few minutes later the Marauders and Lily were darting through the air like bullets. James felt great, he always did when he was on a broom. Total control, complete freedom. He only wished that Lily could sit in front of him, riding the broom with him in a moonlit night with the stars as their only spectators.  
  
Lost in his own reverie he almost bumped right into Peter without seeing him.  
  
"Watch it, James!"  
  
Later he was sitting in a big couch in the Gryffindor tower, writing a letter to her. He had no troubles at all writing, his quill seemed to have a life of its own as it flew across the paper, like a very tall ice dancer. Feverishly he threw out words, and yet they didn't seem enough. No matter what he wrote he knew that there was so much more to say and tell her.  
  
Suddenly he felt the couch tip. He fell out of it and landed on the floor.  
  
"What the hell?", he said and looked up. Behind the couch he saw five heads looking at him with big smiles on their faces. It was Peter, Sirius, Remus, Lily and Chris, the last one holding his arm around Lily's shoulders.  
  
"What are you doing, Prongs?", Peter asked. "Studying?"  
  
"Yeah", he lied and quickly hid the letter inside his robes.  
  
"Well, cut it out, we want the couch to, you know."  
  
Then they all took a leap through the air and landed hard on the couch, dragged him up to them and started to chat about everything that came to their minds. 


	5. Failure By Night

Later that evening Lily was sitting in her bed, looking out through the window at the moon with a piece of paper tightly clasped in her hands. Inside the dormitory were also three other girls: Caliope Stone, Amanda Higgins and Maya Finch. They were all in their beds aswell, chatting about the letter Lily had got from the mysterious owl that had come to the window.  
  
"It's from Chris", Amanda said. "I know it. They're together now."  
  
"Off course it's from him, and I want to read it", Maya said.  
  
"You're not supposed to read other people's love letters without permission", Caliope said in a matter-of-fact voice.  
  
"Then we get permission", Maya suggested. "Hey Lily, want to share the good stuff?"  
  
But they didn't get an answer from the girl with dreaming eyes. She looked down at the letter once more and read the words.  
  
"My love It's only been a few minutes since I last saw your beautiful face, and yet it feels like an eternity. What sort of time charm is love? When I am with you the minutes dance away as fast as winds, but when we are apart I could grow old in a second. As I write this I sit by my window, looking at the stars, but all I see are your eyes. My Lily, have you ever heard of double stars? They are two stars that always stay next to each other, due to their mutual attraction, and since they are so far away they look like one. I wish that could be you and me, my darling. Two stars, floating through infinity, in love for ever, never parting. Good night, my angel, and dream of me, as I dream of you. / Chris"  
  
She sighed and hid the letter with the first one, in a secret compartment she had found in the wall in her first year at Hogwarts. Then she lay down on her pillow and smiled.  
  
"Good night, ladies", she said to the others.  
  
"Good night, Lily", they answered with drowsy voices, they were already falling asleep.  
  
In his own dormitory James was sleeping heavily, dreaming about stars and Lily.  
  
Next day every Hogwarts student had come to the school arena. There was a big game of quidditch that day: Gryffindor against Slytherin.  
  
The Bludgers and Quaffels were flying like they had a life of their own, which they in a way had. The players swooshed through the air like giant flies to the roar of the excited audience.  
  
Remus watched the game from his usual spot: behind a microphone, shouting out his commentaries to the crowds with huge enthusiasm.  
  
"Tanya Sneet from Gryffindor passes to Cameron Corson, but there comes Lucius Malfoy of Slytherin and takes it away. Slytherin scores, the score is now 75-50 for Slytherin and there hasn't been any sign of the Snitch yet."  
  
High above the rest of the players James was soaring, looking for the tiny golden ball with wings. His eyes scanned every inch of the air, and he felt the Slytherin seeker, Regulus Andrews, flying right behind him, watching his every move.  
  
Then there it was, the Snitch. Regulus hadn't seen it, and James decided to lead him away. He dived and Regulus followed instantly, but James was diving at the wrong direction. When they almost had reached the ground he shot up again, like a canon ball, right towards the Snitch. The confused Regulus wasn't prepared for that and faced some difficulties before he managed to rise aswell.  
  
James darted right at the escaping Snitch with his hand stretched out to it. He heard Remus' voice somewhere far below him and an entire crowd cheering him on.  
  
Suddenly there it was, right in his fist.  
  
"James Potter's got the Snitch! Gryffindor wins!"  
  
The roar of the applauding and cheering audience filled James' ears as he landed on the ground. The Gryffindor team came running towards him, slapped him on the back and imprisoned him in a big hug and everywhere you could see red flags wave with lions on them. James stretched his neck, trying to find Peter, Sirius and Lily. They were there all of them, making the victory sign with their fingers and jumped up and down with joy. And then Lily threw herself upon Chris, hugging him tightly.  
  
"You rock", Peter and the others said to James as they were sitting in the Great Hall at dinner, discussing the game.  
  
"Thanks, guys", he said and helped himself to some more potatoes.  
  
"An excellent game, mr Potter", professor Dumbledore complemented as he walked by. "If you ever have children, I'll put them in the team too."  
  
James almost blushed. Children? Him? That would never happen - unless, off course, Lily would...  
  
During Transfiguration class professor McGonagal was teaching the young minds how to transform sand into gold and back again.  
  
"Very nice, miss Evans", she said and looked at Lily's shining piece of gold. James also pulled it off nicely, while Peter's gold piece insisted on falling apart all the time.  
  
In his mind, James was working on the next letter to Lily. He had a pretty good idea about what to tell her. When evening came he sneaked out of his dormitory, hidden beneath his invisibility cloak, and took a flight on his broom around the castle to gather some inspiration. It was a beautiful evening, an evening made for love. The sun had settled two hours ago, you could see where it had gone down and the pale shadow of the moon started to appear on the darkening blue sky. Still invisible to the human eye, James soared around in peace, thinking about Lily. He thought he heard her voice whisper in his ear: "I love you, James".  
  
Right then he happened to look down at the ground beneath him - and saw Chris. He dived, landed right in front of him and took off his cloak.  
  
Chris gasped.  
  
"James, God damn it, you scared me half to death", he said.  
  
"Why are you out here?", James asked and got off his broom.  
  
"I'm waiting for Lily. She told me to meet her here."  
  
"What for?"  
  
"A little romantic chat, off course", Chris said with a smile and checked his hair in a pocket mirror.  
  
"But you don't know what to say? Why didn't you tell me, I haven't got any lines for you."  
  
"I don't need you. I've read your letters and I think I can talk to my girlfriend on my own. You've been a great help, but I'll take it from here."  
  
James got something dark in his eyes for a second, but only for a second. He turned around and said over his shoulder as he went off.  
  
"Okay, good luck to you then. I'll just fly off."  
  
Chris, who realised he would be alone, panicked a little.  
  
"No! Don't leave!", he yelled, but James was already under the magical cloak, on his broom and in the air. He wasn't planning on leaving, he was just going to stay and watch Lily and Chris from above. He flew in among the branches of a tree and decided to watch from there. He waited for a few minutes, and then she came.  
  
She was as beautiful as ever. She ran towards Chris and James sighed with adoration as he watch her hair dance lightly in the warm evening wind.  
  
"Lily...", he whispered.  
  
"Hi", Chris said and sat down on a bench, his knees were shaking nervously.  
  
"Hello, my love", she replied with a voice of pure silk that made James tremble and sat down next to him.  
  
Then it was silent for a few moments. James saw how nervous Chris was. and all of a sudden Chris tried to save himself by kissing Lily violently.  
  
"No, Chris", she said and gently pushed him away. "Not yet."  
  
"Is something wrong, Lily?", he asked.  
  
"No, off course not, it's just... say something."  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"Talk like you do in your letters. You never do that."  
  
"I have to? You've got the letters already."  
  
"Yeah, but I want to hear your voice say the words to me."  
  
James smiled a little. This could be fun.  
  
"I... love you", Chris said tryingly.  
  
"That's a good start", Lily said. "More, Chris. Give me more."  
  
"I... really love you."  
  
"You don't have to hold it back. I know what's inside you, Chris, you can tell me how you feel."  
  
"Lily, you...."  
  
Chris was desperate. He forgot every word in the English language. He needed something, anything!  
  
"You have... wonderful breasts."  
  
On his broom James was shaking with laughter he tried to control.  
  
Lily looked mortified.  
  
"What?", she said.  
  
"Can I... Can I touch them?"  
  
James stopped laughing. What a jerk, what an idiot! He had to fight himself not to dive down and land upon Chris' empty head.  
  
"Chris, I'm leaving", Lily said and got up, every silky tone of romance had left her voice.  
  
"No, please don't leave", he called. "I didn't mean any harm. I love you."  
  
"Yeah, sure you do. Bye."  
  
Then she walked away, leaving Chris on the bench. The moon was brighter now, the night sky was almost black and James flew down to the ground. He landed, got off his broom and took off the cloak.  
  
"What a success", he said and looked at Chris' silly face which was full of stupidity.  
  
"You saw?", he asked.  
  
"Yeah, I did. Are you thick?"  
  
"I panicked. James, I can't do it, it's just not my thing. Help me!"  
  
James sighed. He was really getting tired of Chris by now. But the thought of Lily told him to go on.  
  
"Okay, for Lily's sake", he said. Then he looked around for a while, when his eyes suddenly stopped at a certain window.  
  
"Chris, take out your wand and call for your broom. I've got an idea..." 


	6. A Voice in the Shadows

The two boys mounted their brooms and left the ground. They flew up to the window James had spotted and hovered silently outside it. They could see four girls through the curtains, and one of them was Lily, her face red with anger.  
  
"Orello", James whispered pointing at the window with his wand, and now he and Chris could hear every word that was said inside the room.  
  
"Well, how did it go?"  
  
"I don't want to talk about it."  
  
"Why? What happened?"  
  
"He made fun of me, he is a complete jerk. He just wanted to touch my breasts."  
  
The rest was a high murmur of girl's voices, unable to understand to most men.  
  
"She hates me, James. This isn't going to work."  
  
"Yes, it is", he said from underneath the invisibility cloak. "I'll just hang here, she won't see me, and I'll tell you what to say. It can't fail. Now knock on the window."  
  
Chris swallowed hard, stretched out his fist and knocked carefully on the window. Lily and the other girls turned to face him at once. They all looked very sour and their eyes told him to go away.  
  
"Please, Lily, open up", he begged. "I'm sorry. I want to tell you something."  
  
Lily opened the window and leaned out.  
  
"What? That I've got hot thighs? Go to bed, Chris."  
  
James could hear the other three girls cheer for her.  
  
"No, nothing like that", Chris said. Then he turned to James.  
  
"Now what?", he whispered.  
  
"Tell her you were afraid."  
  
"I was afraid, Lily", Chris said loudly.  
  
"Of what?"  
  
"Tell her you were afraid of emotions", James whispered.  
  
"What?", Chris asked.  
  
"Emotions."  
  
"I was afraid of potions, Lily!"  
  
Now the four girls inside the room looked completely confused.  
  
"Potions?"  
  
James sighed angrily.  
  
"Come here", he hissed.  
  
"I'll be right back, Lily", Chris said and disappeared out of the girls' view.  
  
They both flew around the corner and James started to talk.  
  
"This isn't working. We'll do it like this. You take my cloak, I'll take your broom, she'll recognise mine, and then I talk to her. I can put a charm on my voice and make it sound like yours."  
  
"But she'll see you."  
  
"There is a tree right outside her window. I can hide my face among the branches. Come on, it's the only way."  
  
James could see Chris' mind work inside his brain, and then he said:  
  
"Okay, James, but this better work."  
  
James threw his cloak to Chris who put it on. They switched brooms in the air and James took out his wand. He pointed it at his neck and said:  
  
"Vox differe."  
  
They got to their positions; Chris was right next to James and James was hiding his face among the thick branches of the tree.  
  
"Lily?", he called out, and saw the girls return to the window.  
  
"Sorry I left, I thought I heard something."  
  
"What do you want, Chris?", Lily asked, obviously wanting him to leave.  
  
"I want to apologise and explain. I was afraid of my own emotions, I didn't know what to say. You are so beautiful, my Lily, so perfect in every way, and sometimes my love for you scares me."  
  
He noticed how her eyes got a look of interest in them.  
  
"Why are you hiding?", she asked and leaned out of the window.  
  
"I wanted to seize this opportunity, to talk to you without you seeing my face. Only listen to my voice, my love, and I will listen to yours. I want to listen to it, for ever, every day of my life, for it is the voice of love itself."  
  
The other three girls giggled behind Lily, but she didn't hear them.  
  
"Go on", she said.  
  
"Words are hard to find sometimes, Lily", he continued. "Many of the most beautiful words we have are used up in the wrong way. I search through my mind and heart to try and find the right words to say to you, but then, when I think about you, your flawless beauty, your gentle heart and your brilliant mind, I tremble and loose all words, except one: Lily."  
  
James sighed and loosened up. His voice got as soft as silk and flew through the air to his love.  
  
"Lily... Two syllables, forever locked in my memory, forever written in my heart. The lily is the most beautiful of all flowers, but it withers all too soon, while you, my darling, are immortal. You, the most brilliant witch the world has ever seen, you wonderful creation of spirit, laughter, life and love, you are not made to die."  
  
He paused a little.  
  
"I have longed for this moment my whole life, Lily. To love someone so fantastic as you and to tell you how I feel. There is a deep, bottomless sea of love inside me and sometimes I feel like I'm drowning. Occasionally storms come upon that sea and the storm rages, screams, tears me apart and all I want to do is hold you close to me, feel your heart beat next to mine, call out my love to the entire world, whisper in your ear that I love you and drown in the sea with you in my arms. But don't be frightened, my love, I would never harm you. While my love is as strong and wild as a fire breathing dragon, it's as gentle as the falling leaves on an autumn morning and the soft locks of your hair. I have dreamt about your hair, Lily. Your hair, your eyes, your arms, your hands, your face, your body and your soul, I have dreamt about them all in my lonely nights. I can hardly believe it, has the moment come at last, when I can talk to you like this?"  
  
"Yes", Lily said and trembled with emotions. Caliope, Amanda and Maya stood behind her and looked like they were going to faint.  
  
"Then, Chris", Lily continued, "if this is the moment, what will you tell me?"  
  
"Everything! Everything,!" he yelled with fire in his voice. "I wouldn't talk to you calmly, I would be mad. I don't want to give you pretty bouquets of words, I would throw wild words of love at you, shower you with flowers of uncontrolled desire. I love you, Lily! I burn, I die and I adore you! My love, my Lily, you are the air that I breathe, you are my soul and everything I need and desire!"  
  
"Calm down", Chris whispered. "You're going too far."  
  
"And so are you", she said with tears in her eyes. "I cry. I am yours, all of me."  
  
"It's working", Chris whispered again, triumphantly. "Go on."  
  
"Then my happiness is complete", James said. "Have I touched you so deeply? I? Then I am ready for Death now, because you tremble at my words."  
  
"Like a leaf on a tree", she said.  
  
"I want you now", a voice interrupted loudly. James turned around and knew that it had been the real Chris talking.  
  
"What?", Lily asked.  
  
"Shut up, Chris", James hissed angrily.  
  
"What are you saying?", Lily asked. James thought fast.  
  
"I told myself to be quiet, it is too early. Forget what I said."  
  
"You want me?"  
  
"Lily", James continued. "I always want you. Your arms around me, your hands on my body and your lips against mine. My love, what is a kiss? In a kiss is everything I've ever wanted to tell you, everything I've ever wanted to say and do. A kiss speaks the language only lovers talk and hear, and you would hear the soundless words that sing in my heart whenever you are near. Lily, my heart's treasure, my angel and my light, let me hold you like never before, let me devour you with kisses, let me come to you, now."  
  
The other three girls sighed from the bottom of their hearts, and so did Lily. James could see her face, and he had never seen her like this before. So moved, so beautiful, and it made his heart flame. He was actually telling her how he felt, and when he saw the love in her eyes he felt more full of power and energy than ever before.  
  
"There will never be another tonight, Lily", James said. "There is a tiny little word, and if you said it to me, now, it would make all my dreams come true."  
  
"What word, Chris?"  
  
"'Yes'. 'Yes', Lily."  
  
"Yes, Chris."  
  
Chris flew around the corner again and took off the invisibility cloak. As he flew back, he threw it over James and headed for the window. Lily didn't saw that there were actually two boys outside her window. James hid beneath the cloak and saw how Chris flew into the room, took Lily in his arms and kissed her to the sound of the other three girls sighing.  
  
With tears in his eyes James left his spot and got back to his dormitory.  
  
"Oh God, I did it", he thought. "Oh shit, I did it! Merlin, help me! Please, don't let that creep come to close to her." 


	7. The Truth is a Beautiful, Horrible Thing

Next morning the four Marauders where all sitting in the Great Hall, having breakfast as usual. At least a hundred owls were flying above their heads, but they didn't even look at them. They chatted along about girls, even James. He was happier today.  
  
He had run into Chris earlier and asked him about what had happened after he'd flown in to Lily. Chris reported that it had been a disaster, he only got to kiss her two times before the door was opened by the Head Girl who threw him out of the room with the words: "Get out of here!" So nothing had happened, and James was content.  
  
"Look at those two", Sirius said and pointed down the big table at a couple. The boy was tall with flaming red hair and very handsome, the girl was shorter and cute.  
  
"Arthur and Molly. I bet they're going to get married and have a million kids, the way they're always snuggling."  
  
"Who cares, look over there. Now that is a first class product", Peter said.  
  
"Too blonde. I'm more into that one over there."  
  
"You know, guys", Remus said. "We are jerks."  
  
"Yeah", James said, "But girls seem to like jerks, since they're always following us."  
  
Suddenly James' owl, a black one named Castor, landed in front of him, carrying a letter in the beak. James took it, gave Castor some bread and watched him fly off to the owlery.  
  
The letter was from Chris.  
  
"Meet me by the statue of Merlin after breakfast." That was all.  
  
James ate quickly and ran off, telling the others that he was going to the bathroom.  
  
He ran into Chris by the statue, where he was sitting on the floor.  
  
"What is it?", James asked.  
  
Chris got up and faced him.  
  
"I'm breaking up with Lily."  
  
James got shocked.  
  
"What!? No, you can't do that. I've sent her flowers today, and a poem, she got them with her owl at breakfast."  
  
"Precisely, James", Chris said. "I don't want to be with her anymore. She told me yesterday that even if I had been an ugly creep she still would have loved me, because of "my" wonderful letters. But those aren't my letters, James, they are yours, meaning that she's in love with you! And that doesn't really make me like her more. You were the one outside the window last night, not me, and you know I'm right in what I'm saying. She wants a romantic guy, and her emotions are... really starting to scare me off."  
  
James was lost for words. He just stared at the boy in front of him. He wanted to punch him and call him an idiot, yet he knew Chris was right, for once in his life Chris was intelligent.  
  
"Then what do we do?", James asked.  
  
"I don't know what you're going to do, but I'm breaking up with Lily. Then I'll leave it to you to tell her the truth about the letters and last night."  
  
"I can't", James said. "She'd hate me! I couldn't stand that!"  
  
Chris suddenly looked at James with new eyes, full of a new understanding.  
  
"Oh my God", he said, almost whispered. "That's why you were helping me all the time. You are in love with Lily."  
  
"Does it matter?", James asked. "She's in love with you."  
  
"No, James. She's in love with the guy who wrote her the letters. You."  
  
James' heart gasped at Chris' words. Lily loved him? But what would he do now?  
  
"Thanks for your help, James", Chris said and walked away. "You've been a good friend, and will always be, but I have to do this."  
  
James sat down on the stone floor by Merlin's feet with blank eyes. This couldn't be happening. How could he feel so miserable while his heart was singing with joy. Lily would be single, and free to him. But when she found out about the letters, she'd never want to speak to him again. But she loved him! That would change very quickly once she knew the truth.  
  
Suddenly a figure came out from the shadows of the corridor. James looked up... and saw Sirius.  
  
"I heard everything, Prongs", he said. "I followed you here."  
  
"Then I guess you hate me too."  
  
"No. I know that you did what you did out of love, even though it was incredibly stupid. Poor Lily, she's going to be devastated."  
  
"I know, Padfoot", James said. "I just.... I love her so much. I love her more than life itself, that's why I've been so absent. I'm sorry."  
  
"It's all right, we all suspected something already. But we never thought it was Lily."  
  
"So... what do I do now?"  
  
"Do yourself a favour, Prongs. Tell her that you love her. Then give her time."  
  
James sighed and got up.  
  
"I know you're right", he said and they both went to their class. "But it's going to be hard."  
  
"We'll help. We're the Marauders, and we never leave each other."  
  
At ten o'clock in the evening the Marauders were in the Gryffindor common room, talking about the situation. Moony, Wormtail and Padfoot now knew everything that had happened and tried to come up with solutions to the problem. Remus was playing the piano.  
  
Then, suddenly the portrait hole opened and Lily entered the room running. Her face was hidden in her hands, she was crying and she ran past the four boys without saying a word.  
  
"Lily!", they all called after her, but she ran into her dormitory and slammed the door.  
  
Remus left his magical floating piano which disappeared and they all knocked on the door to her room.  
  
"Lily, let us in. You've gotta tell us what's wrong."  
  
"Go away", she cried.  
  
"Lily, it's us. The Marauders. Remember us, your best friends? We're worried about you, please open the door."  
  
They waited in silence, until finally Lily opened the door. Tears were streaming down her face and the boys almost heard her heart break inside her.  
  
James forgot everything about hiding his love. He walked up to her, without a word, and put his strong arms around her. She leaned her head upon his shoulder and cried some more. He stroke her hair gently.  
  
"What happened?", he asked. "Can we come in?"  
  
"Yeah", she whispered. James released her and the Marauders stepped inside. Lily went to her bed and sat down. A beautiful bouquet of roses was lying next to her, and the bed was covered with letters and poems. James recognised his own handwriting on them all.  
  
"Chris..... broke up with me", Lily said, staring at the floor. "He likes someone else."  
  
"What?", the Marauders cried. "Who?"  
  
"Cassandra Moore."  
  
"This can't be true", James exclaimed. "She's an air headed bimbo, for God's sake."  
  
"It is true", Lily said. "He told me he liked her, and that my love was too strong for him to carry. And then... he told me that.... the letters are not what I think they are. What does that mean?!"  
  
She hid her face in her hands again and sobbed. The four boys sat down on the floor in front of her, like knights kneeling before their queen.  
  
"I'm sorry", she said. "I'm Lily, and Lily's not supposed to cry, right?"  
  
"It's all right", Peter said. "Cry, Lily."  
  
"Is there anything we can do?", Remus asked.  
  
"Lily, I am so sorry", James said. "This is all my fault, I shouldn't have told him to write to you."  
  
"No, Prongs", she said. "You were great. It was me, I asked too much of him."  
  
"All you wanted was a romantic boyfriend who would say sweet things to you", James said. "Like every other girl wants. It's nothing to think badly of."  
  
Lily picked up one of the letters.  
  
"Could you guys leave me alone for a few minutes?", she said.  
  
"Sure", they said and rose off the floor.  
  
"Not you, James", she said and seized his arm. "Stay."  
  
The others looked back over their shoulders at James, then they left the room.  
  
He turned towards Lily who was holding a poem from him.  
  
"I want to show you something", she said. "The others wouldn't understand, but I think you will. I got this one this morning, along with the roses." Then she read aloud:  
  
"I cross my heart and hope to die  
  
if any word's untrue.  
  
How could I lie and still be worthy of you?  
  
I will be there for you always,  
  
to stand by your side.  
  
If you need me, don't ever think twice.  
  
If you should wake to find the sun  
  
has yet to start the day  
  
and every star up in the sky's gone away,  
  
out of the darkness you'll find me,  
  
aglow in the night  
  
from the light that I see in your eyes.  
  
Lily Evans, let me be your guardian angel.  
  
I'll protect you, and direct you from all harm.  
  
If there is danger, I want you to know  
  
don't be afraid for you're never alone."  
  
She stopped and looked up at him. Then she picked up a tiny piece of paper.  
  
"This is a note from Chris that I got during Potions one day. It's not romantic, it just says that he wants to meet me that evening. Yesterday evening. The handwriting on this note and that on the letters... are not the same. They are different. Chris didn't write those letters, James."  
  
He tried to look surprised.  
  
"Then who did?", he asked.  
  
"I don't know", she cried and dried her eyes with the back of her hand. "Who wrote these? Who made me so happy and yet lied to me so cruelly?"  
  
Again James lost everything. He lifted her up from the bed and held her tightly in his arms.  
  
"Forget about him, Lily. He is an idiot to leave you, and he doesn't realise what a wonderful person you are. But I do. I love you, Lily, I love you more than I can ever tell you."  
  
Lily pushed him away, her tears had stopped. She stared at James with complete confusion in her eyes, as if he had spoken a different language.  
  
"Prongs, are you crazy? This is me, Lily, one of your best friends since day one at Hogwarts."  
  
"Yes, I know", he said. "And I can't hold it back anymore. I love you, Lily. I have watched you and Chris together, and I have been so jealous I could hardly see straight. I thought I was going to loose my mind, I needed to do something."  
  
"James... are you telling me that it was you who....?"  
  
She didn't finished, the answer was plainly written in his face.  
  
"Yes", he said. "It was me. Chris begged me to write those, he couldn't do it by himself, and I knew how much you loved him, so I did it for you. I am so sorry, Lily, I have been a complete idiot and I hate myself for it, but I did it because I love you with all my heart and want you to be happy, even if it is with someone else."  
  
"And last night..."  
  
"It was me outside your window. I was the one talking, Chris was hiding next to me under my invisibility cloak. Lily, I swear I never meant to hurt you like this, I was desperate."  
  
"How can you write a poem about not lying to me when that was all you did?", she yelled angrily.  
  
"I never lied to you, everything in those letters and poems is true. Every word."  
  
He got back on his knees again. His eyes started to fill with tears.  
  
"Please, forgive me. Please, don't hate me."  
  
She sat there, quiet and still, as if she had been turned to stone.  
  
"Go," she said. "Leave me alone."  
  
"Lily..."  
  
"Go, Prongs", she whispered. "Just go. And don't talk to me again. I don't hate you.... but I don't want to see you again."  
  
He rose and looked at her beautiful face. She looked right into his eyes... and slapped his face.  
  
He slowly turned around and left her there. 


	8. I Miss You, My Love

As he shut the door to her dormitory behind him he saw the rest of the Marauders outside, waiting for him. Obviously they had heard everything.  
  
"We're sorry, James", Sirius said and put a comforting hand on his friend's shoulder.  
  
"You really love her?", Peter asked, as if it was a little too hard for him to understand.  
  
James went to an arm chair and sat down. The others clearly saw the red mark on his cheek were Lily's hand had hit him.  
  
"Yes, Peter", he said. "I love her. I can't describe it. Have you ever loved anybody so much that it makes you cry? Have you ever wanted anyone so much that it keeps you up all night, tossing in your bed, dreaming about her? That's what this feels like. You all know her as well as I do, you know how great she is. She's wonderful."  
  
Remus, Sirius and Peter all looked at him, not knowing what to say. They had never seen James this way before, he was never sad or worried, only happy, fun and rule-breaking. It made them feel a little uneasy, yet they wanted nothing more than to help him, so that he could be his own self again.  
  
"Is there anything we can do?", Sirius asked carefully. James shook his head and rose.  
  
"I don't think so, guys. I'll just go off to bed now, if you don't mind. I don't feel like being alive right now."  
  
"Okay", the murmured and watched him enter the dormitory.  
  
He removed his clothes and lay down in his four-poster bed. Immediately, as if it was a part of his second nature, he took out a paper and a quill and started to write a new poem for Lily. It took him a few minutes before he realised that she wouldn't read it, and he made it disappear in a tiny cloud of blue smoke with his wand.  
  
He closed his eyes and saw her face. Her eyes were glittering, not with joy as they used to, but with tears. He wanted to comfort her, take her in his arms again, kiss away her tears and make her feel better.  
  
"I am so sorry, Lily", he said. "Please, forgive me."  
  
He didn't hear when the others came to bed. They said "Good night" to him, but got no answer, and then they assumed he was sleeping.  
  
But James wouldn't sleep that night.  
  
"Remember, class, don't make any hasty moves around a unicorn. It is a very shy animal and prefers the gentle touch of a woman, so be careful."  
  
Usually Care of Magical Creatures was one of James' favourite subjects, and the five unicorns in front of him and the rest of the Gryffindor students were truly a sight to behold. He watched Lily approach one with her hands outstretched. The unicorn sniffed her palms a little before it let her pet it.  
  
She hadn't even looked a James for five days, and this was the last class for the day. She had treated him like air, and he didn't dare to talk to her. She had ignored the rest of the Marauders too, assuming them to have been a part of James' plan. They all missed her greatly, and James knew he would have given anything to make her turn to him and give him one of her pretty smiles.  
  
"Thank you, class", the professor said afterwards. "That would be all for today, remember your homework."  
  
The unicorns were led into the Forbidden Forest again and Lily walked back to the castle slowly. The Marauders were right behind her. Suddenly she stumbled upon root of a big tree and dropped her books. She bent down and James, who saw his chance, ran up to her and helped her. She didn't see who it was, and said:  
  
"Thank you."  
  
When she looked up and saw James' face he once again looked into her eyes. They weren't empty anymore, they contained another feeling. Sadness.... Deep sadness.  
  
Without a word she rose and walked away from him and the others.  
  
"I can't stand this anymore", Remus said. "We have to get her back."  
  
"I don't think she wants that, Moony", Peter said. "She really seems to hate us."  
  
"And how I wish she didn't", James said.  
  
They ate dinner in the Great Hall, sitting in their usual places, but Lily wasn't there. She was nowhere in the Hall.  
  
"She wasn't hungry", Sirius said. "And who could blame her?"  
  
In her dormitory, Lily was sitting on her bed with every love letter from James in her hands. The roses were also there. She wanted to get rid of those, their scent reminded her of Chris, James and their lies. She had tried to burn the roses, but James had put a special enchantment on them, they would never die. They would always be fresh, luminous and deep red, just as she thought Chris' love for her would be. She had thought about burning the letters too. She had thrown one into the fire in the common room, but she had changed her mind at once and dragged it out of the flames, burning her hand slightly.  
  
Why couldn't she burn the letters? Why?  
  
She thought about James. He had hurt her, lied to her, gone behind her back, impersonated her boyfriend... and she missed him so much. That was the strange truth; she missed him. His smile that said "I'm up to no good", his eyes, his untidy black hair, the sound of his voice. She missed everyone of the Marauders and wanted nothing more than to be with them right now. The way James had looked at her when he picked up her books had told her that he missed her too. She had wanted to walk with him, to make everything like it was before. But she couldn't.  
  
"I love you, Lily", James had said. The words were ringing in her ears, she couldn't forget them, nor the feeling of his arms around her. Chris' arms had been rough, the either held her too tight or too loose and moved around all the time, as if they were trying to decide where to stop. But James... His arms were strong, yet so gentle. They had made her feel safe, like he was a rock she could hold on to when the wind blew hard on her.  
  
"Snap out of it, Evans", she told herself. "He's a jerk, don't think about him."  
  
But the letters.... He had meant every word of it. She knew he couldn't lie about that. It was James that had made her feel so... happy. Happier than she'd ever been in her entire life. And, finally, she had to confess it to herself: she wanted more of it.  
  
She wanted James. She loved James. 


	9. Come Fly With Me!

The corridors and hallways of Hogwarts were dark and empty, and the moon was shining brightly outside the window. James was up again, taking a walk. He wasn't going to steal food from the kitchen like he used to do most nights, he just needed to move. He wore his invisibility cloak and held his broom in his right hand, in case he would want to take a fly. The school could be a scary place in the nights. The stone walls seemed to be whispering, he could swear he saw the statues move, but he wasn't frightened. He and the Marauders knew the school better than anyone, they even had a map showing all the hidden doors and rooms.  
  
Soon he would come to the place where he had met Lily that night.... It seemed to be so long ago, in those days she had still been his friend, one of his best friends. And now she couldn't stand the sight of him. He sighed and the sound echoed through the darkness. It was a sound filled with such pain and sorrow it would have made cold shivers run down the spine of anyone who heard it.  
  
He turned left and entered a corridor that was bathing in the silver light of the moon. This was it, Lily had been standing right there, shimmering with joy. He could see her so clearly before him, it was as if she was actually standing there. He clearly saw her white night gown, her hair and her ocean deep eyes.  
  
"James?"  
  
He gasped. He wasn't just imagining her, she was really there! She was standing by the same window, looking right at him.  
  
He removed the invisibility cloak and approached her.  
  
"Hi", he said, hardly more than whispered.  
  
He lowered his look to the stone floor, but he could feel her looking at him..  
  
"I.... would like to talk to you", she said.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Prongs, could you look at me?"  
  
He hesitated. Then she put her hand under his chin and gently forced him to look at her.  
  
"Because there is something I have to say to you."  
  
She took her hand off him and he was unable to move, caught by her eyes.  
  
"Yes?", he said.  
  
"It's about the letters."  
  
She made a pause, then continued.  
  
"James.... I have been thinking. About Chris and why I was in love with him. It wasn't the way he looked, not really. It was the way he made me feel. Like I was beautiful, intelligent, special... But it wasn't him. It was you who made me feel like that."  
  
James sensed something was coming, and he prepared himself for the worst.  
  
"When you told me the truth I felt so stupid, like I meant nothing to either you or Chris. But then afterwards.... Oh, James, I have missed you and the others so much! I was too proud to talk to you, but I have to say this. I love you, James. I love you with everything I am, and I don't care about anything else right now! I know now that those letters, your words, wasn't a joke, you meant it, and I love you for it, for who you are and for how you make me feel."  
  
She stopped and exhaled, as if she had been holding her breath. James just stared at her, completely stunned. Then he put his arms around her, held her to him tightly and stroke her hair. He smiled widely with joy, kissed her forehead and let his lips wander down to her cheeks and eyes till finally their lips met.  
  
It was as if electricity flew through him. He heard a humming in his ears, like he was full of gentle, sweet bees. He closed his eyes and drowned in the kiss, and so did she. Afterwards she was speechless.  
  
"James", she whispered.  
  
"Lily", he replied and kissed her again.  
  
Then he smiled at her and picked up his broom, which he had dropped on the floor.  
  
"Wanna go for a ride?", he asked. "I don't wanna stand still another second, I feel like I'm soaring already."  
  
She returned the smile and they both mounted the broom. He sat behind her and kissed the soft skin of her neck as he leaned forward a bit. Then they lifted and flew out through the high window which had opened magically.  
  
The soft night wind made them feel drunk at once. They laughed and let out little screams of joy as they went faster and higher. The stars twinkled at them, the moon seemed to smile happily and the night was all theirs, their own universe.  
  
"I love you, James!", Lily yelled loudly.  
  
In one of the castle's dormitories three boys were sitting by a window, looking at the silhouette of James and Lily. The boys were sharing a huge pile of candy between them and cheered for their friend.  
  
"Go, Prongs!", Sirius shouted.  
  
"She's back. Lily's back."  
  
"Hope he's not gonna forget us."  
  
"Of course he won't, Wormtail. We're always going to be the Marauders, best friends forever."  
  
Later on that year the Marauders and Lily graduated from Hogwarts. They had all received surprisingly good grades and felt ready to conquer the entire world. James proposed to Lily and they were married with a huge wedding. All of their friends and families were there, and that was a lot of people, and when James finally kissed his bride he thought his heart would burst with pride and love. She was his, his beautiful Lily, and he was hers, forever. Exactly nine months later, when he for the first time held their son in his arms, he knew that he was the happiest man on Earth. He made Sirius little Harry's godfather.  
  
"What do you think?", James asked full of pride and showed Sirius the little baby with the black hair.  
  
"He's already a Marauder. There's something about him, I think he's gonna be something really special."  
  
THE END 


End file.
